No one entirely sure if random footpaths in Astoria are public or private property

Over two hundred years after Astoria was founded, many area residents are still unsure if the random footpaths throughout the city are public or private property.

A footpath leading from Grand Avenue to 12th Street in Astoria.

These footpaths, which tend to act as a walkable connector between one street and another, have long since been used by Astoria's more unsavory inhabitants.

But should we be using them? And if so, what other types of weird bullshit are we allowed to do in these paths?

Getting an answer to these questions, as local footpath expert Hogswell Bilberton explains, may not be easy.

"The truth of the matter is that even the city is unsure about who these paths belong to," Bilberton said. "No one even knows who is responsible for maintaining them. Once every fortnight, they are inexplicably cared for. And always very properly. And always after the sun goes down. What's even stranger is that every four years, on February 29th, a massive clean-up of the invasive blackberry briar is performed. And no one is ever there to witness it. It's one of Astoria's greatest mysteries. What we oughta do is stake these areas out and see how it all goes down. We're only weeks away from solving this one."

Bilberton was later found deceased in Room 308 of the Commodore Hotel. He was then carelessly tossed into a dark corner of the basement, where he is still presumed to be.