Area man sneezes loudly after exiting vehicle in Fred Meyer parking lot

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A local man was spotted sneezing loudly after exiting his mid-nineties Toyota Corolla in the Fred Meyer parking lot, reports say.

Witnesses of the incident were quick to identify the man as Jerome Sandwich, 29, of Warrenton.

When asked about the cause of the sneeze, Sandwich remained evasive and unsure.

"It was the strangest thing," remarked Sandwich. "As soon as I got out of my car, it just happened. There was absolutely no warning at all. There was nothing I could do to prepare for it. I don't know how to explain it. It's very difficult to describe. It's really not a big deal, though."

While Sandwich's explanation of the event seemed acceptable to most residents, others seemed more reluctant to believe him.

"He knows exactly what happened," one witness claimed. "He's a fat fuck."

Until further information is available, any investigation into this matter will remain on hold. While getting down to the root cause of Sandwich's sneeze may seem like a trivial and unnecessary process to some, others have pointed out that complete and utter transparency is the key to a successful county. But with every process, there is also a cost. And in times like these, Clatsop County simply does not have the resources.