According to our sources, these events will feature free showings of cult movies, chips and dip, and high-ranking members of Astoria's growing network of undesirables.
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| A typical example of black people enjoying a Sunday afternoon. |
Metal Head owner and proprietor Gentle Johnson declined to comment on this article, although later recanted his refusal and spoke endlessly of the event.
"We're expecting Cult Movie Club to be nothing short of a major success," Johnson said. "We have huge plans for these events."
Johnson then went on to make several seemingly impossible promises, ranging from high-end Portland strippers to complimentary hair treatments by renowned stylist Chaz Dean.
Inevitably admitting that these promises were too big to fulfill, Johnson shamefully retreated behind the dark curtain in Metal Head, where he is still presumed to be.
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