Bill Cosby sentenced to five years community service in Astoria brewery

Cosby at Fort George Brewery: Photo courtesy of Attorney Pike Balderdash.

In a recent upset for the alleged victims of the disgraced actor, Bill Cosby has been sentenced to five years of community service at the Fort George Brewery and Public House.

Along with the community service ruling, Cosby will also be subject to a multitude of fines, amounting to nearly seventeen hundred dollars in total.

Per Cosby's court-appointed attorney, these fines will not be tax deductible.

The controversial decision came about as part of Mayor Arline LaMear's new "Slippery Smooth Politics" campaign, where the city will take on recently stigmatized celebrities in an effort to rehabilitate them before they are allowed to reenter the civilized world.

"My client is basically fucked," remarked Attorney Pike Balderdash, who is representing Cosby. "They're sticking it right up his black ass with a goddamn fucking broomstick. This is an unjust punishment. He knows nothing about craft beer. He's not even a beer drinker. He prefers wine. He should be allowed to complete his community service in Knappa."

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