Mini Mart meth addicts becoming more brazen, recent study shows

Photo courtesy of Pastor J. Wilmer Rollingrock.

The meth addicts who frequent the Astoria Mini Mart on West Marine Drive are becoming more brazen, a recent study shows.

The study was spearheaded by the Astoria Baptist Players Club, a ragtag groups of ministers, pastors and clergymen, and was overseen by the notorious Pastor J. Wilmer Rollingrock.

Pastor Rollingrock last garnered media attention after his full name was spray painted in lime green on the back wall of Ocean Beauty Seafoods. No charges were ever filed.

"There has been an erratic change in behavior among those who abuse meth in this city," Rollingrock remarked. "They've been standing closer to common pedestrians than ever before. Breathing heavier, staring longer. Waiting for some sort of signal, perhaps."

Release the Bats, 4AD Records (1981)

Distracted briefly as The Birthday Party's "Release the Bats" began playing ominously through Astoria's newly-installed Bose surround sound speaker system, Rollingrock continued on.

"We've sent undercover agents into the Mini Mart for observation," he added. "I, myself, have gone deeper undercover than I am willing to admit. We've done the necessary homework. We've crunched the data. There is definitely something big about to unfold. The city is restless. It's ready to pounce. We've narrowed the possible causes down to be either an increase in drug availability, a decrease in drug availability, an increase in the quality of the drugs, or even a decrease in quality. But no matter what's going down, the Astoria Baptist Players Club will get to the bottom of it. And when we do, we'll move on to something else."