Local hot dog restaurant still refusing to open its fucking goddamn doors

The Blacks and their contractor attempting to make sense out of some building plans.

When Donna and Tracy Black told the people of Astoria that they were planning on building a hot dog restaurant called Life in the Slow Lane, the city believed them.

Why shouldn't we have? We had no reason not to. They seemed like decent people. There was nothing about their proposal that raised any suspicions at all. And it didn't appear that they would have anything to gain by making the whole thing up. For all intents and purposes, it seemed like the restaurant would only be a matter of time.

Yet over a year after their initial announcement, where are the dogs?

"This is bullshit," remarked area resident Waldo Decowitz. "I'm sick and tired of having to go through Costco's ever-increasing security measures just to get a Kirkland hot dog."

Decowitz, who has a history of suicide, was last in the news when paramedics were able to revive him after his lifeless corpse was fished out of the Columbia River.

As of now, there is still no official opening date for Life in the Slow Lane. All attempts at contacting the Blacks have been unsuccessful at this time.

To sign a petition forcing them to open immediately, click here.