Former mayor declares war on Coke

Former mayor Willis L. Van Dusen, who ruled Astoria's streets for nearly a quarter-century, has declared war on any business within the city limits that offers Coca-Cola products.

Photo courtesy of the World Wide Web.

Van Dusen, who once attracted national media attention after his third DUI offense landed him with a "life, plus ten years" breathalyzer sentence from the Oregon Department of Motor Vehicles, stepped down from his long-term role as Astoria's mayor earlier this year.

But with his political career behind him, some say that his focus as Vice President of Van Dusen Beverages, Inc. will show the city a side of the ex-mayor that his former constituents were previously unfamiliar with.

Van Dusen Beverages, Inc. was established in 1849 as Van Dusen Mercantile, and is currently operating as a Pepsi-Cola bottling company. It is also noted for being the oldest business in Oregon.

"This is a new era," Van Dusen told reporters. "I don't walk around kissing babies anymore. Those days are over. I'm here to push Pepsi products and nothing more. It's what I do. It's in my DNA. You wanna talk about the Oregon Trail? Who do you think cleared away all the shrubbery and brush? Who do you think took all the trees down? Who do you think rolled the stones outta the way, or built the bridges over the waterways? The Van Dusens are the lifeblood of Astoria. I mean, come on. I got Free Willy filmed here, for Christ's sake. You people owe me. I think the least you can do is refrain from purchasing Coke products."

While there is no actual law against distributing Coca-Cola products in Astoria, area merchants known for selling its beverages have been encouraged by incumbent Mayor Arlene LaMear to keep a low profile until Van Dusen's latest apparent drinking binge subsides.